Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in lalasfreedom's LiveJournal:

Thursday, August 18th, 2005
3:02 pm	Everyone READ I just have a few things to say about my sisters "drama" with her so called "friends". I dont know why u all are fighting over this talkin shit stuff. ALL OF YOU talk shit on each other. i was with sam one day, she talked mad shit on chelsea, i was with chelsea one day she talked mad shit on sam. so can all of you guys thinkin that ur all such "great" friends wake the fuck up and grow up please?? damn i wasnt even this bad in high school!! to chelsea and sam: i thought u guys were cool but obviously ur just tipical high school KIDS that cant cant keep thier mouths shut., and if u come to my house when im there YEA ill fuckin say it right to ur face! Im not even gonna get into the whole lindsey situation cause she's just a fuckin drug problem waiting to happen "HEy ash, lets go to my house and do some drugs!!" yea, cause thats cool.....obviously my last story had an affect on NONE of u!! my sister thinks she's hot shit??yea right u guys are all just fuckin jelous that she has her head on straighter than any of u and she unlike any of u is going somewhere in life. and i love how all of u are talkin shit on ashley king, HEY sam, does the work "train" remind u of anything??? how the fuck are any of u gonna talk shit about ashleys love life if u guys cant keep ur fuckin legs shut either?? here's an idea: why dont u guys stop interfearing on other people's personal lives cause u all obviously have alot of problems to deal with in ur own lives. and my sisters an attention whore??? haha!! sam and chelsea: " lets make out and run around the house naked to see how many guys will want us!!" fuckin hypacritical!!!! Hey chels bryan should be proud to have a girl like u!! and no im not excluding myself cause i messed up when i broke up with joe and got with dave but i worked it out and told joe about dave cause I have respect for myself and my man. everyone needs to leave my sister the fuck alone and grow up. cause she's right. and LYNDSEY< CHELSEA AND SAM.....dont go to my house again. i know where u live and u DONT want me as an enemy....apologize to my sister, be mature. Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: he said she said: Limp Bizkit (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 9th, 2005
9:47 am	love Here i am sitting at the computer with nothing to do. Its 9:45am. I cant sleep past 10am anymore. Anyways when i woke up i felt alot better than yesterday. Yesterday i was all stressed out because for the past 3 years all ive been worried about was money and how i need to work enough to pay my bills. i think i cried all my stress out. it happens every couple of months. my moms been payin my car insurance and my cell phone bill for about 6 months now and i still cant afford to make my school loan and car payment. Pathetic......Ya know i thought that after school and when i became a massage therapist i wouldnt be worried anymore about things. but they got worse. i guess i gotta keep telling myself that i gotta keep trying and everything will eventually be alright, even if it takes 10 years. I guess i gotta go back to workin a million hours a week with a third job. oh well. On the brighter side of things me and joe have been getting along sooo good i think i fell inlove with him all over again. I know that alot of people think that our relationship will never work out because he's done way to much damage, and he has done alot of damage but my gut keeps tellin me that i dont and shouldnt want to live without him. Ive tried the whole "seeing other people" like 3 times already and ive only learned that i dont want anyone else but him. Ive even forced myself to go out with a couple different other guys and they just dont compare to what me and him have. When we were in the middle of really rocky times i thought that he just wanted me there for security reasons but i know thats not true anymore. He has changed way to much for me to believe that im just there cause he's afraid of being alone. Then there is the situation of his son, Ian. I love him to death. He's seven years old and Joe gets him every wednsday and every other weekend. Sometimes i feel like im being nothing but mean to him. Its like he was never taught proper manners and if a kid doesnt use his/her pleases or thank you's it pisses me off. Its like i kinda feel like im not doing my job right by lettin him talk to me like "Get me a drink", "go do that" and shit like that. Like im letting a kid talk to me like he's older than me. And i feel like im making him start to hate me, but joe doesnt say anything cause he wants me to yell at him. so eventually i started to. Its not like i curse the kid out or anything, but i wont do what he asks until he asks me with a please or at least asks me without a cocky ass attitude. This is when i friggin vowed to bring all of my kids up with the proper manners of talking to an adult. His mother just lets him do whatever the hell he wants and he talks to her however he wants. Yea right.... ill back-hand my kid before he/she EVER talks to me like that. There is this one little boy that comes into the salon with his mother and he's around 4. He is the most polite kid ive ever met in my life. Everything is "may i please have.." and "thank you so much!" and when his mom tells him not to do something its "o.k. mommy". No fuckin argument. Im not writing this down to knock the kid cause its not his fault. And its not joes either. He mainly stays with his mother. and I see how frustrated joe gets because its like ian is growing up in two completley differnt worlds. its like joe wants him raised one way, and krista (ians mom), just doesnt give a shit. Granted, she has a 1 year old and is pregnant with another, but if u cant raise one kid right how the hell are u gonna raise 3 at one time? I also kinda think ian lashes out from lack of attention at his moms. Now there are times when me, joe and ian have a great time, and there are times when me and ian play and have fun.....its not completely all me yelling. Im just writing down my frustrations. Maybe things will change eventually..... Current Mood: bored (Comment on this)
Monday, May 2nd, 2005
12:20 am	My life My name is Lauren, some friends call me Lala. I am 23 years old and have been through some shit that i shouldnt have. I am not afraid to tell my story because i am proud of the way i have lived through it all, and i now know everything is okay. What i have been through is not a result of a bad family life, because i had one of the best family lives you could possibly live through. My parents are together and i've never seen a couple so inlove after so many years. You would think that they had just fallen inlove. My brother, sister, and i have a very good relationship. the kind of relationship where we can hang out and talk about anything. I think that everything that I have been through is why i am the way i am today....and i truly believe that what doesnt kill u makes u stronger. I know it has for me...... Growing up I had many different sets of friends. I was never one of those "clicky" girls who didnt talk to certain people because they were different. I talked to everyone and was never judgemental towards anyone. I think that was my problem sometimes. I started hangin out with not so good crowds witch eventually led to drugs, parties, drinking, and the wrong guys. I hung around mostly guys cause they arent petty and they dont talk shit like girls do.....i had one best friend who was at my house every day, Bill. Me and bill had a friends only relationship, and i thought i could trust him. "I thought" is the opperative word here. One night we decided to have some friends over to the house and finish off the liquor that was left over from the night before. about 10 people came over and we all started chuggin.(there was ALOT left over) well a few hours went by and people started leaving until it was just me and bill again. He tried to kiss me and i told him i couldnt because i didnt want to destroy our friendship. I was bombed. I eventually passed out on my bed. I heard someone pounding on my door and woke up. i couldnt get up. Bill was on top of me and i was butt ass naked...and so was he. I tried to push him off and i screamed NO and he wouldnt move. finally he heard the pounding on the door and jumped off of me. i passed back out. when i woke up the next day i was hurtin...... i was 19 this was my first experience with a guy. I know it fuckin sucks. a little personal, but i tell it because there are so many girls out there who dont understand that someone can get through it. sure it took me a year of therapy, but i only let it teach me a lesson. and i learned. After that it was like i was doomed with the guys i went out with. I think ive been through them all....drug addicts, woman beaters, cheaters...its like there arent any decent guys out there anymore. I went through a phase where i didnt care about anything or anyone.....not even myself. I turned to drugs and went out with any guy that sold them. i did it all. pills, coke, extacy, heroin. heroin was the one thing that totally made me loose all feelings. i didnt hurt, and i didnt care. all emotions were paralyzed. It got to a point where i was doin it every day. i didnt eat, cuz it was my meal. My family started to notice all of the changes. It wasnt till i saw that i was hurting my mom so much she didnt know what to do. I realized i was addicted and didnt want to be dependent on anything anymore. So i went to my mom, and told her EVERYTHING. She was upset. I did the one thing that i knew i should do...i gave her my car keys and locked myself in my room for 3 days. i told her that no matter what do not let me out. Those 3 days were the most painful 3 days of my life. I had chills, couldnt sleep at all, and threw up every hour for the entire withdrawl peroid. it was like having the flu times 10. I got through it. Everyone told me to go to rehab but i knew how it was. u go to rehab, they drug u up and u never feel the actual withdrawl. i needed to feel the withdrawl cuz i needed it to remind me of what i went through so i would never do it again. And i never touched it again...its been 3 years. I had to change. i stopped hangin out with everyone i knew. which is why i only have a few friends now. So now i am 23, clean, and im happy about life. i feel like i have made a complete turn around. I am a professional massage therapist, going to bartending school, have a good family life, friends that actually care about me and not what drugs i have on me to share. Life is good now. That is my story..........let me know what u think.............. Current Mood: determined (8 Comments |Comment on this)